There once was a time when I would go to bed fantasizing about this one girl. If I could get her then I would be so much happier and everything in life would fall into place. As the years went on that girl would change, but there would always be at least one. No matter who I was currently seeing, I’d think of buying her creative Valentine’s Day gifts or taking her on romantic walks on the beach.

This occurred during a time I barely got any ass. Maybe there is a girl out there who has all the qualities I want, but it’s a waste of time waiting for her to land on my lap, if she so happens to exist within driving distance of me. It’s fun to have this one ideal crush who you think will make you happy and bring you fulfillment while sitting at home eating microwave popcorn, but that’s just not how it works. Life does not deliver the perfect woman like a pizza with extra cheese.

Because meeting girls I connect with is the result of unglamorous, persistent work. There is nothing lucky or fateful about it. I go out and talk to cute girls I like. I put in the effort to get to know them. I stay open-minded about the ones who don’t fit my perfect ideal until I at least have sex with them. Sometimes the chemistry shows up after the first conversation, and sometimes it takes a little longer. Either way, it comes from movement, not prayer.

I listen to my gut and experience instead of friends or Sex and the City. What do you do? If you think something great is going to be served to you just because you think about it when you close your eyes at night, you deserve to be alone. That kind of thinking turns desire into a joke and effort into a burden. The truth is that wanting a relationship is easy, but earning one takes nerve, patience, and a little bit of failure.